on the eve of 40.......

So, the title of this blog is called Aurora's Ruminations right; however, I don't really do a lot of ruminating here. I guess I am not sure what to say sometimes, don't think what I have to say will be all that interesting, I don't think I am a very eloquent writer, it is easier to post kid pics, I don't know--any of those, all of those, none of those.....Any-who.

I thought I might ruminate a bit on the eve of my 40th birthday. Leading up to this birthday has been rather tough, I must admit. I have been thinking an awful lot about a lot of things. I think that I am not where I thought I would be when I envisioned my life at 40, as a 20 year old. I was going to do so much, see so much, be so much. Then I see where I am now and think, I did not achieve those goals I set out for myself. I am not there--not there for a variety of reason, unable to do it, unwilling to do it, gave up trying, failed in my pursuits of the things I wanted (or thought I wanted). I have gone through many moments of wishing I had done this or that, slight envy of those who did what I thought I wanted, wondering if I should have made different choices, feeling like I fail because I did not reach those goals set out for myself when I was in my 20s.

However, when I look at me now at 40, look at the life I do have, the things I have done and have seen, I realize that I have done a lot. I have had an amazing life so far. I have seen and experienced many parts of the world, from China and Yemen, to Hungary and California. I have met some amazing people in my life that have made me who I am today--and yes for better or worse. I have received an excellent education and do not regret the decisions I made in those pursuits--would do it again if given the choice. My time in London was an amazing experience that I will treasure always. I spent many years of my adult life doing the work that I love, with some very talented people along the way. And I will get back to my true love of archaeology (as my wise friend Besty tells me--"Holding pattern"). I am proud of what I have done with my life and I am proud of who I am at 40 years old.

But most importantly......
When I look at my two beautiful children, my wonderful husband (and my best friend)and the life we have created together, I realize that I am right where I am suppose to be. I would not want my life to be any other way than it is right now. The three of them bring so much into my life everyday, so much love, so much happiness and joy, so much laughter. To see their little faces every day, to kiss them to sleep every night, to read to them and feed their curiosity and love of learning, to hold them when they are not well and comfort them until they are well again, to kiss the boo-boos, to see the wonder and excitement on their little faces when then discover something new, see something for the first time, to have them in my life--full stop. When I see my husband and realize that I met and married the most amazing man and how lucky to am to have found a love like I feel for him. When I watch him with L and A, I am fill with so much happiness.

I realize this: I am right were I am suppose to be, doing what I am suppose to be doing.

I have done so much and will continue to do so much more--who knows what the future holds. All I know is that I have three wonderful people to do it with. Me in my 20s was just that-me. I never thought beyond the "me"--what I was doing to do, where I was going to go, what I was going to see and experience. Now I have the great joy to do/go/see new experience with my children. To see with a different, but amazing, set of eyes all the world has to offer us. And I cannot wait.

This is me at 40 years old. A strong, confindent, and happy woman. A woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a granddaugher, a sister, an aunt, and a friend. And proud of it.

Ready for 40 and ready for 40 more!